


The Joys of an Excursion

by EndangeredMind



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Burping, Farting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 18:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17944790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndangeredMind/pseuds/EndangeredMind
Summary: William and Ironhide decide to give Sam a lift to the base for a bit of guy time. However, Ironhide doesn't know just how much he will end up regretting that decision...





	1. Journey to N.ES.T

Sam grinned as he knocked on the front door of the Lennox household. He was currently dressed in a hoodie, a band t-shirt, a pair of jeans and some Converse sneakers. He sighed and then grinned as the door opened and he was face to face Lt Col William Lennox. “Hello Will! You said you wanted to take me to the base today?” He laughed a bit. “Bee was a little disappointed when I said that he couldn’t take me. Or jealous. I’m not too sure. I couldn’t tell with his whining and complaining!” This made both men laugh loudly.

“That does sound a lot like Bumblebee. Anyway, come on in! Should’ve asked that when I first opened the door to be honest.” Lennox laughed as he moved aside for the teenager to come in. Will was dressed in pretty much the same outfit, as he could always change into his fatigues once they arrived at the base. “We can get going right now, if that’s ok. I know Ironhide doesn’t like to be kept waiting!” He grinned a bit and the two men began walking to the large GMC Topkick that was parked near the house. “Let’s get going!”

Ironhide grunted a bit as he felt the two men get in his cab. He had gotten used to driving Will and his family around, but it just seemed strange with there being just Will and Sam. Usually if Will had another guy in the truck, they were his army friends, or a stranger who was down on their luck. “Alright. You two belted up?” A quick yes was all he needed to hear. He sighed as he started his engine and they pulled out of the driveway, ready to begin the rather long and boring journey to the base.

Sam looked around Ironhide’s interior, the inside of the truck was vastly different to the Camaro he had grown up driving. The racing style seats were now heavy-duty black leather seats with the Autobot logo on the headrests, and there was a grey carpet instead of the black one Bumblebee had. There was also room for 5 people, compared to the four for Bee. “So, Lennox.” He started, making the soldier flinch a bit. He smirked a bit, before continuing. “What have you been up to since we last spoke? Anything interesting or just the usual boring old army stuff?” 

“Oh, a mix of both of those actually!” Lennox laughed a bit, before sighing. At that moment, a rather strong smell filled Ironhide’s interior, causing the black mech to groan in disgust. He laughed as he saw Sam covering his nose. He just carried on, secretly very proud of himself. “We’ve been torn between paperwork and messing around with several bots on the base. It’s been rather fun actually!” He laughed as a loud hissing sound was heard and he briefly glanced over to see Sam sat there, his legs spread open, with a rather smug look on his face.

“That felt good. Think you can beat that old man?” Sam smirked, only to laugh as Will leaned to the right and let loose a massive brassy fart into the seat. “Ok wow, I stand corrected, that was strong!” Determined not to be beaten by one blast, Sam grunted and let loose a sputtery sounding gas blast into the passenger seat. “Ahh, it feels so good to do something like this! I think we should do this more often!” Sam snickered, ignoring Will’s laugh and Ironhide’s very frustrated sounding growl. He wiggled in the seat a bit, before snickering softly.

“I just thought, you’ve got an unused backseat Ironhide. You could get three more soldiers in the back there.” Lennox smirked, loving the feeling of being able to compete with Sam in such a unique contest. Of course, Lennox would never allow for five gassy guys to be inside the truck at once. Ironhide would probably pass out from the smell, and there would be nothing worse than calling Ratchet to wake up a mech that was knocked out by the power of human gas. Still, it would be interesting. Maybe Ironhide could endure it as a punishment of sorts?

The journey seemed to never end, and all Ironhide could do was clock up the miles as the smell in his cab grew worse and worse. It had already been dirty from Lennox’s muddy boots, as well as some gear that had been thrown in the backseat from time to time, but this was just adding to the discomfort. Ironhide wasn’t fazed by humans farting. Cybertronians did it as well, but what frustrated him was that they were holding a contest and Lennox was suggesting bringing more men into the equation to liven things up. Could things be any worse?

Lennox smirked as they finally pulled into the base, having been driving for several hours. Most of that time had been spent farting up a storm with the Sam and hearing Ironhide complain about it. He simply laughed, as he had been having too much fun to really say anything. “Ahh it feels so good to let this out. That fast food joint did NOT agree with me!” He laughed as he looked in the backseat at the various wrappers and stains that now adorned the black leather. “Meh. I’ll clean it up after this!” He smirked and farted again.

Without warning, Ironhide transformed and threw them to the ground, standing over them with a look of fury on his face. “I have had you stinking me up and making me filthy for the past several hours! You didn’t even stop on the plane! You refused to let me out and carried on going! Well, it’s time for you to get a taste of your own medicine!” He smirked and turned around, almost sitting on them, before he grunted. His tank gurgled, but nothing came out, causing the two laughing loudly. He stormed off, cursing humans to Cybertron and back.


	2. Ironhide's Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling angry and humiliated at the human's treatment of his interior, Ironhide decides to get his own back on them.

To say Ironhide was pissed was the understatement of the century. He was fuming to put it simply. If he had smoke coming out of his olfactory sensors, then he would’ve looked like a massive bull. Humans and Cybertronians alike moved out of his way. They could see the anger radiating off him in waves, and anyone who got in his way would have a massive price to pay. Everyone who’s anyone knew to stay out of the way of a furious weapons specialist, especially when said weapons specialist had guns hidden in his arms that he could activate instantly.

He walked all over the base, trying to think of some way to get his revenge on those two disgusting humans, when it suddenly hit him! Ratchet had a bad cube of energon in his med bay, and anyone who drank it would end up having powerful backfires! With a sly smirk on his face, he began to walk towards the medbay, however, he still maintained the angry façade so that he didn’t arouse any suspicions. He sighed as he approached the medbay doors. Luckily, Ratchet was out, so he didn’t need to worry about a wrench to the helm. 

He snuck inside the medbay and quickly began searching for the sample. He needed it! He snuck over to the bad energon and quickly gave it once over, before he picked up the bad cube. Apart from a slight colour change and a diesel like smell to the cube, it didn’t seem like it would give a mech bad backfires, or anything. He laughed and failed to notice the sound of pedesteps as they grew closer and closer to the medical bay. “Will this really give me bad backfires. Oh well, only one way to find out!” He laughed cruelly.

“The only way to find out will be this wrench being thrown at your helm!” Ratchet growled, walking towards the black mech, who quickly downed the bad mixture and turned around to face the chartreuse bot. Before Ratchet could get another word in edgewise about how he was going to give Ironhide such a lecture, the black truck belched right into his face. The smell was so bad that instead of coughing and groaning like he normally, the medic just fell backwards and passed out, causing Ironhide to laugh and step out over his body, before walking out the medbay. 

His laughter soon turned to groans as his tank roared noisily at him. Clearly it was very unhappy with him taking the bad sample and drinking it quickly. He grunted and let out a rather impressive backfire, a dark blue cloud erupting out of his aft and filling the hallway. He snickered and continued walking back towards the mess hall, wanting to give those two a taste of their own medicine. He laughed a bit, then stopped. He could always wait until he had to take them for a drive around the large island, then he could get his revenge! 

Some time later, Sam and Will were sitting in Ironhide’s interior as he drove them down to the large beach on the other side of the island. The black mech smirked to himself as he felt Will let out a loud and smelly fart into the seat, and he acted disgusted, but it just made him more excited for their very large and very nasty dose of karma that was heading their way. “Really Will? You just can’t stop let rip on my poor seats, can you?” He growled, rocking a bit on his axles. His tank gurgled in discomfort.

“Are you ok Ironhide? That didn’t sound too good!” Sam asked, but he dismissed it when Ironhide said it was an issue with his gears. He smirked and looked at Will. “Really Will, are you starting that up again? Well I am not going to disappoint!” Truth be told he feared Ironhide, but since Will explained that he wouldn’t hurt him, Sam was now a lot less scared of him that before. Sam then snickered and let out a nasty foul fart. “I guess the mess hall food doesn’t agree with me or my stomach!” Ironhide simply huffed in response.

Ironhide sighed as they finally pulled up at the beach, and before the two could get out, he quickly locked the doors and smirked. He listened and felt as the two men growled and demanded that Ironhide opened the doors. He simply sighed as his tank growled and gurgled angrily, and that’s when the smell hit them. It was nasty to say the least. A mix of gasoline, oil, WD40 and burnt rubber. It was thick and clung to them. As the smell filled the cabin, the exhaust pipes bulged, and two plumes of dark blue smoke erupted from them.

Will groaned and covered his nose as the stink clung to everything. “That is NASTY Ironhide!” What the hell did he ingest to cause such foul gas? It was unlike anything he had ever smelt before, and it was just awful! Sam wasn’t fairing much better, as he groaned and coughed, trying to get the smell out. The windows had been wound up and locked tight, so they were forced to suffer as Ironhide bounced on his axles, laughing cruelly as the two groaned again and gagged. “How the hell can you be so disgusting Hide, you giant walking scrapheap?” 

Ironhide simply laughed and let loose one final fart, his tank gurgling violently as the gas and the smell filled the cabin, knocking the two men out. “Ahh my seats will now stink, but it’s so worth it to finally get revenge on those two filthy assholes!” He laughed, grunting a bit as the cloud was quickly absorbed into the seats, making them puff up and the leather bulge outwards a bit. “Ahh. That is what you two get for trying to be funny!” With a smirk and a loud backfire, he began to drive back to the military base.


End file.
